Age Wise!

A multifaceted approach to living a happy, healthy and fulfilling life after 60.

IDENTITY: STICK TO WHO YOU ARE ... AND WHAT YOU WANT

“Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.” — Oscar Wilde

Identity (our sense of self), is our conception and expression of who we believe we are – what defines us as us – and has a huge impact on our health and how we live our lives. It can be based on external (dependent on others or outside influences) or internal references (those characteristics & beliefs which we give and support ourselves).

Many of these identities can be challenged and lost as we age. If our identity is that of a wife and mother, what happens when children leave home or a spouse dies or separates?  If defined by our profession, what happens at retirement?  Aspects of our identity will change through our life and can have a huge impact on us in later life.

The ‘experts’ each had very different identities – these were deliberately selected for.  However, they all shared some common strategies and beliefs which affected who they saw themselves to be – i.e. at identity level.

The two most important questions we can ask ourselves are ‘Who am I?” and ‘What do I want?”    Deepak Chopra

All had maintained a stable identity throughout their lives which they hadn’t allowed to be compromised or modified by their experiences (e.g. I am a healthy / happy / kind person).  This identity was congruent with their personal, family and cultural history.  The criteria chosen to define these identities may have revised with changing circumstances.

The women featured in Channel 4′s Fabulous Fashionista maintained their identities and passions – for their sense of style for example – well into their 80s and living on a pension.  And were trying out new careers.  Their thoughts and beliefs are well worth listening to and learning from.

Dilt’s experts had a strong internal frame of reference for their identity, and looked for & believed things which supported it (matched) and rejected or did the opposite of what didn’t support it (mismatched).

All included the identity beliefs:  I’m useful to others; I’m a healthy person -health is the norm  and ill health is something to get over; there is no significant difference between being young and old – except age is a benefit, allowing me to do things I couldn’t have done as a young person.

• How do you see yourself – i.e. what is your identity?
• Are you in charge of core aspects of your identity – or reliant on others and external things to support them?
• Can you build a stable, congruent, internally referenced identity for yourself? What would you have to change?
• How can you support this identity throughout your life?

Contact Diana at Age Wise! for help & advice.

All were  symmetrical in their gestures and movements and had balance & flexibility in their lives.

“In old age when your health fails, it affects your sense of self. Understanding that from an older person’s perspective is crucially important. Care and support can enhance dignity or it can worsen the loss of it if not given in the right way.  Good support is essential in terms of how people make the adjustments they need to make.” Dr Liz Lloyd